When I divorced, I threw myself into work. Truthfully, I had been doing it long before the papers were signed. Work was my escape, my coping mechanism. I told myself the long commute was productive—mornings were perfect for connecting with my colleagues in Europe, evenings were “ideal” for my colleagues in Asia. The truth? I looked forward to go to work and dreaded going home. Work gave me validation, structure, and a sense of purpose when my personal life felt chaotic and out of control.
Maybe this sounds familiar? You’ve been holding it all together and doing all the things you're expected to do; keep up with work, bills, parenting, and responsibilities, and yet you are quietly wondering when you will have a moment to breathe again. If you’ve been over-indexing in your career or constantly “doing” just to avoid “feeling,” I see you. You’re not broken—you’re in survival mode. And the truth is, that same strength that helped you survive can now help you rebuild.
Here are three strategies to help you begin re-establishing healthy balance and creating a life that actually feels fulfilling.
1. Know Where You Stand
For life to feel fulfilling, we can’t overemphasize one area and neglect the others. And, before you can move forward, you need to know where you are.
Here’s a simple exercise: rate yourself honestly from 1 (very dissatisfied) to 10 (fully satisfied) in these areas:
- Family & Friends: I feel supported, seen, and connected in my relationships. The people around me uplift me, and I make time to nurture the connections that truly matter.
- Self-Love: I treat myself with kindness, honor my needs, and speak to myself with compassion. I no longer wait for someone else to validate my worth — I know it from within.
- Personal Growth: I’m committed to becoming the best version of myself. I invest time and energy in learning, healing, and evolving — not because I’m broken, but because I’m expanding.
- Fun & Leisure: I make space for joy, laughter, and simple pleasures. I don’t just “get through” my days — I create moments that fill my soul and remind me of who I am.
- Home Environment: My home feels like a sanctuary. It’s a space that reflects who I am becoming — calm, grounded, and aligned with the life I’m creating.
- Career/Work: I feel purposeful and fulfilled in what I do. My work aligns with my values and allows me to express my gifts without burning myself out.
- Finances: I feel empowered and in control of my money. I make decisions that support my long-term security and abundance, and I trust myself with financial growth.
- Health & Wellness: I listen to my body, nourish it with care, and honor what it needs. I’m building a lifestyle that supports my energy, balance, and longevity.
Consider these ranges to gauge where you are:
1-4 score: I'm in survival mode
5-7 score: I'm doing "OK"
8-10 score: I'm thriving!
When you see your life mapped out like this, it becomes clear where things are out of balance. Now, where are you thriving, and where are you running on empty? If you want to actually plot it out, you can use this spider chart.
If you're a High Achiever don't be surprised it your Career/Work scores are especially high while Self-Love or Fun & Leisure are low. That might be a red flag you’re pushing too hard (or even running from yoru situation) while not giving yourself the space to take care of yourself and breathe.
Remember, you don’t need to fix everything at once. Start with the area that feels most urgent, most inspiring or that would most transform your life if improved. Maybe it’s your health, maybe your social life, maybe simply reclaiming some peace in your home. Pick one, two at most and focus on making small, consistent choices that bring you closer to balance. And you do that by asking yourself:
- What 1–3 steps could bump this score by 2 points?
- If you already scored high, what does a “10” really look like? How does it feel? What can I do to get closer to that?
Awareness is the first step. Alignment comes next.
And, If you want a deeper dive into where you are in your post-divorce journey, I created the Rediscover You Quiz. This will help you see exactly where you are and will give you some ideas of things you can do to keep moving in your journey.
2. Prioritize Yourself and Your Well-Being
For years, I believed “balance” meant juggling everything perfectly.
Now I know it’s about honoring your own needs first. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you certainly can’t rebuild your life if you’re running on fumes.
Well-being is more than physical health. It’s emotional, mental, and spiritual nourishment. When we turn our eye internally, to the things that nourish me, we remember that we matter too and we begin the shift from surviving to thriving.
Here are a few practices that restored my balance:
- Prioritize Sleep: Exhaustion distorts everything. When you’re tired, small challenges feel impossible, patience goes out the window, and clarity...? Poof...! Protect your rest like it’s sacred—because it is.
- Silence & Stillness: Life is noisy and chaotic during the best of days. When you're recovering from divorce, it’s easy to lose touch with your body and your inner voice. Take moments—five minutes, ten—to sit in stillness. Breathe. Listen. Your body has wisdom to share if you give it space to speak.
- Release Emotion: Cry if you need to. Scream into a pillow (I used to scream into my pillow until my voice as hoarse and my throat was bruning). Dance. Journal. Move the energy out. Emotional pain that isn’t expressed gets stored—often in our bodies. (If you’ve ever felt hip tightness or tension, it might be your body whispering it’s time to let go.) Releasing that energy creates space for new life to flow in.
3. Do More of What Lights You Up
After my divorce, I realized I had no idea what I wanted or what I loved anymore. I focused so much on him, our relationship and my career, that I was like "now what...?" I’d set aside all of the things that once made me come alive, music, going on adventures, dancing and other simple joys that filled my tank.
I was so busy doing what needed to be done that I forgot to do what made me come alive!
So, when was the last time you grinned ear to ear doing something you truly love? If you can't remember, or it's been too long, there's no time like the present! Do that NOW!
If you're not sure? Try something new. Sign up for that pottery class. Dust off your violin. Volunteer. One of the beautiful things about uncoupling is that it gives you a unique opportunity to try new things, explore, and have fun doing it because you're doing it from a place of curiosity, not a place of obligation.
When you allow yourself to play, create, and connect, your feminine essence returns. And with it, your confidence.
Final Words
The aftermath of uncoupling is disorienting. Throwing yourself into work may feel like a lifeline, but long-term, it drains your spirit. Re-establishing the balance between doing and being will bring you back home to yourself.
By reassessing your life, nourishing your well-being, and prioritizing joy, you’ll create the rhythm and harmony your soul craves.
Your future self is already thanking you for the steps you take today. So, Heroine, what will be your first step toward balance now that you’re free to create life on your own terms?
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